


Anger that consumes us

by jamesm97



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Anger, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 04:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6500191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesm97/pseuds/jamesm97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert's finally broke down, he can't handle it any more Gordon has been sent down and the mask he's been wearing for months has finally broken the pent up rage and sadness explodes out of him and he has some words of wisdom that Aaron desperately needs to hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anger that consumes us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SummerRaine14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerRaine14/gifts).



> I've decided to gift this to summer because she's been amazing these past few week's writing my prompts and she's an amazing writer so check her out

“I must have been a fool to think we could work after all of that, that you’d still want me after what he did to me” Aaron laughs the sound horrible and defeated like the laugh was coming from a dead person.

“I do still want you” Robert tells him moving towards him again stopping when Aaron pulled back.

“I told you to kiss me and you wouldn’t” Aaron shouts at him his voice so loud he wouldn’t be surprised if the entire pub heard it over the blasting music in celebration of the trial going well.

“Because you’re drunk Aaron” Robert tells him “Because you aren’t thinking clearly he’s just got sent down and you want to just forget and as much as I want to sleep with you it would mean something different to you than it would to me Aaron, I know you just want to be mates and I will always hate that but I’m dealing with it because having you in my life is better than you sending me away for good” Robert admits his eyes shamefully filling with water he looks away so he doesn’t let Aaron see.

“Bullshit you just don’t want to touch me knowing what he did to me, as much as you’re trying to be here for me you’re ashamed of it like I am, you’re disgusted with me” Aaron tells him moving to the door that leads to the stairs.

“You’re right I am, I am disgusted” Robert tells him his voice filled with so much venom, he’d make a snake proud, the words succeed in making Aaron stop walking away from him. “Every time I close my eyes I picture what he did to you and I feel physically sick I can’t tell you how many times I’ve actually thrown up thinking about it” Robert admits.

“Well if you’re so disgusted in me get out then” Aaron tells him his voice cold and he doesn’t look back.

“I picture it when I close my eyes and I get so angry that he’s still alive I tried to get the money together to put a hit out on him” Robert admits laughing “I spoke to Cain told him I wanted him dead and he agreed with me actually, he told me to look after you and he’d deal with it, told me to stick close so you don’t hurt you’re self” Robert tells him getting angrier and angrier as his vision blurs with the tears coming out of his eyes.

Aaron looks round at him in shock and his face is white “You tried to kill him? You knew Cain was going to kill him?” Aaron asks.

“Knew? I egged him on, I told him I’d give him an alibi if he needed it, and if it came down to it I would have got him out the country I still have connections I would have done anything to kill that bastard for what he did to the man I love, I wanted to do it myself but I’m too weak I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to kill someone” He admits with a laugh.

“Why are you even bothered?” Aaron asks him.

“Honestly?” Robert asks him his eyebrows raising, he takes a second to scrub the tears from his eyes.

“No lie to me” Aaron remarks sarcastically to him his voice full of venom again.

“I have loved two people in my life” Robert admits. ”Victoria and my mother” Robert tells him he notices the look of hurt on Aaron’s face as he says it. “I know weird right? Sarah wasn’t even my biological mother and I still loved her more than my father we never got on, always made me feel lower than the low” Robert admits laughing “He was a judgmental bastard because I didn’t want to live in a small time I was the outcast and when we adopted my friend everything changed Andy always became the son, it’s like I was the adoptive one and yet I never cared Sarah always was kind to me so I loved her like she was my mother, I never knew mine I was months old when she died so in a way Sarah was the only one I really knew” Robert tells him.

“Is there a point?” Aaron asks him looking away when Robert looks up.

“The point is that I don’t love you” Robert tells him ignoring the look of hatred in Aaron’s eyes as the younger man starts to tear up probably against his will, Aaron’s always wore his heart on his sleeve. “Love doesn’t even begin to cover the feelings I feel for you” Robert tells him laughing shaking his head as he sits down “I never allowed myself to get attached to people after Andy burned my mother alive, I just did what would get me further in life, that’s why I flirted with Lawrence to get my foot in the door, then I got with Chrissy so I could take over the company, I knew I could do it, but I slept around, men and women a fuck was a fuck” He tells him looking over his shoulder to make sure Aaron’s still there.

“How can you say you don’t love me and then say it doesn’t cover it?” Aaron asks.

“Because Love doesn’t cover what I feel for you, because people fall in and out of love all the time and I will never be able to let you go now, whether we’re together or not, I will never stop needing you, you said to me once you thought I was here out of pity? Out of some sense of duty?” Robert reminds him laughing coldly “The reason I’m here is because I am physically incapable of letting you go, I can’t even try the thought of his makes me want to die” Robert tells him.

“You tried to kill me when I threatened to tell Chrissy about us, if you never felt anything for Chrissy why did you try to do that?” Aaron asks him moving to sit on the couch with him as far away as the couch will allow.

“I was scared of what you were doing to me” Robert tells him the tears flowing again he sniffs and rolls his eyes at how pathetic he looks “I’ve never felt anything like this for anyone before and it scared me, I’m used to fighting for what I need, I’m used to meaningless relationships and you come along and all of a sudden whenever you got hurt my heart ached until you were okay again and whenever we weren’t together it ached but I didn’t want to give up everything I spent years building because eventually you would have seen me the could bastard underneath and you would have ran and if I gave it up I would have had nothing and my dad would have been right I would have been nothing” Robert tells him.

“So you more than love me but disgusted with me?” Aaron asks him scoffing.

“I never said I was disgusted in you” Robert tells him looking at him for the first time in a few minutes he looks sober than he was five minutes ago.

“You said you’ve been physically sick when you close your eyes and picture me getting raped” Aaron tells him his voice cold.

“I did say that but the person I’m disgusted in is me and him” Robert laughs.

“You? Why are you disgusted with you?” Aaron asks him his venom dropping for a second and his voice fills with wonder.

“I can’t do nothing to help you, I am powerless, I couldn’t kill him, I couldn’t help you, I can’t help you and I can’t tell you how sick it makes me Aaron, when I think of what he did to the man I more than love” He tells him using Aaron’s words chuckling a little when he sees Aaron’s mouth twitch “I get this awful pain in my stomach and I blame myself and I know we didn’t even know each other back then but he hurt you so bad and I can’t fix it Aaron I don’t know how to help you and it’s killing me because I’m scared if I don’t help you, you’re not going to let me be with you and I don’t think I can survive without you, it’s too hard to watch you hurt and not being able to help you” Robert tells him his tears turning to sobs and the last thing he expected was to feel Aaron pulling him down into his chest.

He clutches the material of his jumper and his knuckles turn white with the strength he’s using to keep Aaron in his hands.

“You help” Aaron whispers in his hear his hand start’s rubbing up and down his back, “I wanted to die, I nearly did but you brought me back, I told you what he did to me, you were the only person I wanted to know because you’re the only person that I thought would help me and you did, as much as I pushed you away you never let me and I am so grateful because if you left me back then Robert I probably wouldn’t have survived” Aaron tells him.

“You would have you’re the strongest person I know” Robert tells him the words whispers into Aaron’s jumper.

“I was going to kill myself when I got to France, you kept me going, you kept me alive every day, you just wouldn’t leave me alone and it just made me love you more, I got so mad with myself because I knew we’d never be able to go back to how we were once I told you you’d look at me differently and you do look at my differently now” Aaron tells him.

Robert removes his head from Aaron’s chest reluctantly and looks into Aaron’s eyes “You’re right I do look at you differently now” Robert tells him pulling Aaron’s face back to meet his eyes when the younger man looks away “I look at you and I see my whole world, I look at someone I need to protect not for you as selfish as this is going to sound I need you for me, you make me better you make me feel actual emotions, I learned to switch my emotions off at a young age and trust me meeting you has more than made up for it” Robert tells him giving him a small laugh.

“I want you” Aaron tells him.

“Maybe for tonight, but what happens when we wake up? When Chas starts to give us crap? When Chrissy say’s something? When somebody else tries to take you away from me? Because I can’t handle that happening I can’t handle you rejecting me Aaron I wouldn’t be able to survive that being without you feels like I’m slowly dying and if you let me be with you tonight and then you leave me I won’t be able to stand it” Robert tells him.

“I’m not going anywhere, we’re made for each other we’re both fucked up beyond belief but we make each other better” Aaron smiles brushing the tears from his eyes.

“This wasn’t how I wanted us to get together” Robert laughs shaking his head to clear the soppy emotions running through his body.

“You pictured us getting back together?” Aaron asks laughing at him.

“Many times many different scenarios they were more like plan’s many of them involved a massive public display of affection in front of the packed village in the bar” Robert tells him laughing.

“God I’d hate that lot knowing my business” Aaron laughs.

“I’m a privet person myself but I wouldn’t mind letting the world know you’re mine that’s when the thoughts went good anyway sometimes you rejected me and the village all pitied me Edna even baked me a cake in one of them, it was horrible” Robert admits.

“Was this a thought or a dream?” Aaron asks snorting with laughter.

“More like multiple daydreams” Robert shrugs.

“You want me?” Aaron asks him the air becoming serious once again.

“More than anything” Robert tells him grabbing Aaron’s clenched hands and entwining their fingers.

“And you more than love me?” Aaron asks continuing when Robert nods with a small smile on his face “And you only want to be with me? Because if you left me or went back to Chrissy after we got together I wouldn’t be able to survive myself” Aaron tells him.

“The thought of hurting you makes me ill, the thought of being with anyone else is repulsive, if you don’t believe I only want you ask Finn” Robert tells him.

“Finn?” Aaron asks him his eyes suddenly full of fire.

“Vic invited him round we all got pissed she and Adam went to bed and he tried it on I pushed him off told him I couldn’t do that to you, he got really embarrassed and said he didn’t know we were together I told him ‘We’re not but we will be someday’ he’s been embarrassed since” Robert tells him laughing.

“So you didn’t sleep with him?” Aaron asks him.

“Like I said I more than love you and I didn’t care if I had to wait till I’m eighty I will always want you and only you” Robert tells him.

“I can’t promise it will be easy” Aaron tells him “But I can promise to try, we can see what it’s like now that he’s out of our lives, we can give this a proper go and take it a day at a time, if you still want me?” Aaron ask shim suddenly worried again that Robert won’t agree.

“I will always want you” Robert smiles closing his eyes when Aaron puts his hand on his cheek.

“God can I kiss you now?” Aaron asks him sounding breathless, Robert barely nods before Aaron’s lips are on his.

The kiss was heated and passionate it was nothing more than a clash of mouths the hunger that they’ve both built up finally being released.

“Take me to bed” Aaron tells him pulling away and resting his hand on Roberts’s hand.

“Promise you’re not going to change your mind tomorrow?” Robert asks him.

“You’re just going to hold me, and when we wake up in the morning we will tell my mother we’re trying to be a couple we’ll keep sex out till we see if it works” Aaron tells him.

“It will work” Robert tells him “I more than love you too much for it not too” Robert smirks standing and offering his hand to Aaron.

He feels butterflies in his stomach as soon as their hands connect again, his stomach knotting in anticipation of something he’s been dreaming off for months.

“I more than love you” Aaron whispers when they’re lying in the bed Aaron’s head against Robert’s chest.

“I more than love you too, always” Robert whispers praying to any god that will listen to make them work cause he sure as hell won’t give up Aaron without a fight.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts I know Rob's a bit OCC but that's intentional


End file.
